Before you ask, No I'm not going back to teaching.

I’ve known since the sixth grade that I wanted to be a teacher. I was that child who taught her dolls and stuffed animals. I even enjoyed babysitting, taking my little cousins on field trips, and working during the summers as a teacher assistant. Being a teacher was my identity, it was all I knew.

Teaching taught me a lot. It made me a stronger person and challenged me more than anything in life. My students are what kept me in the classroom longer than I wanted. Seeing them each day, helping them each day, and watching them grow and learn each day was a treat. Although my first year of teaching was the absolute worst, it taught me how to better advocate for myself and my students. My first year of teaching also taught me how to set boundaries with parents.

Over the years I have learned how to gain healthy relationships with parents while also setting boundaries. During my first year of teaching, I had a grandparent who didn’t like that I was young and teaching her grandson. She was a retired teacher, who made sure I knew it. She was so abusive and manipulative, she’d give me hell for the entire semester but then buy me gifts during each holiday. One year she bought me a muffin basket and flowers. It was the worst year of my life and it didn’t help that I had a student who felt like turning my classroom into his playground. I learned more about teaching my first year than I did during practicum and student teaching while in college.

I cried a lot during that time and I was depressed as hell. Going to that school building everyday felt like I was running a marathon. By January of that next year, I was job hunting and preparing to move back to Atlanta and by April I had an interview. The next school I chose to work at was a place that felt right for me. My principal was a black woman, everyone on my team was great, and that’s where I met a lot of my favorite people. It felt like I found my family and it gave me the same warm vibes I got from my old elementary school.

Working at my new school kickstarted my true growth in teaching. I initially applied to be a fourth grade teacher, but was asked if I was willing to teach Special Education instead. I of course said yes. My first year in Special Education was tough but rewarding. I made lasting connections and also showed my students that they were greater than they thought. Helping my students see greatness in themselves became my mission. I wanted to see them succeed and receive a fair and just education. I was an advocate for my students. As I continued teaching, my roles began to get bigger. I received a promotion and became a Teacher of Distinction, I also became the Department Chair of Special Education. Both jobs meant more responsibility with a slight increase in salary.

I enjoyed being Department Chair but doing both became a task and it was also tough when at some point I was the only one wanting to do the job. My first year as Department Chair, it was more of an volun-told position. I could have easily said no, but during that time, yes was my favorite word. At this point, I had been at the school for a few years so I was deemed a veteran. I also retained a lot of information and was great at explaining it to others. I was amazing at my job but I didn’t see it until I left.

Although teaching was rewarding and blessed me with amazing friends. It took a lot out of me and I came to realize that I suffered from anxiety, which triggered depression. As a teacher, I was hard on myself. I constantly beat myself up after making mistakes and I believed that my mistakes defined me. I began to carry the weight of the job on my shoulders.

Each year, I began to hate teaching more and more but the common thing that teachers struggle with when thinking about leaving is figuring out what to do next. It’s scary trying to find jobs that will actually accept you with degrees in education with no experience that match their requirements. For years, I was afraid of moving on from teaching because I didn’t know what else to do. At one point I thought about going back to school and to become a therapist, but soon after starting I came to accept that I really didn’t want to go back to college. Trying to juggle college, teaching, and being Department Chair was not something I truly wanted to do. I wasn’t getting any sleep and it was not good for my mental health. Not knowing my next move kept me in teaching for 4 more years.

The pandemic caused me to pause my mission on leaving. It was scary trying to move on during a time full of unknowns. Staying another year was something I truly didn’t want to do but I felt like I had no choice. My last year of teaching wasn’t terrible. I was actually blessed with a great partner teacher and I only had to go into the school building twice a week. It wasn’t bad but it confirmed that it was something I no longer wanted. I was ready for a different life.

Making the transition from teaching was a tough and scary decision. I wasn’t financially stable and my new job hadn’t started yet. I had to learn how to adjust to a new lifestyle. A lifestyle that didn’t match my teacher salary lifestyle. I had to swallow my pride, learn how to ask for help, and let go of control. When I started my new job, I learned that I truly hated it. It not only triggered me and reminded me of my years of teaching. I also didn’t enjoy nitpicking over the teachers and the pay. I did a lot of work for 12 weeks and didn’t get paid until the end of my contract. That means there were months I was working and wasn’t getting paid. It was tough but I knew I wasn’t returning back to teaching.

Surrendering and letting go of control was the theme. I had to constantly remind myself that everything that I was doing was leading me to the life I always wanted. I have a lot that I want to accomplish and I learned that being a teacher wouldn’t truly get me to where I wanted to be. Teaching required too much and I was no longer willing to give it. When I think about going back to the classroom I get anxious. It reminds me of the person I was during that time and I honestly don’t want to go back there. I like how I feel now. I like who I am becoming now.

What I enjoy most about not teaching is the freedom I feel. I can say yes or no to a job or task. I have control over when I eat, sleep, pee, and do anything a normal human being needs to do throughout the day. I have control over where I can work, how I work, and when I work. And overall, I am becoming mentally stable more and more. When I think about my years of teaching and my experiences each year, it sometimes feels like another life. The person I am now is definitely not the person I was last year in the classroom. The clarity I feel, the joy I feel, and the freedom I feel is unmatched.

It took a few months but I’ve begun to feel like less of a teacher and more of myself. Each day I am learning who I am and what I want. I get to go on random adventures or sleep in. I get to see my family and gain more memories. I get to create and express myself. I get to do so much and I really don’t see myself giving it up any time soon. Do I miss the pay, yes. But I damn sure don’t miss the responsibility. I have now come to accept that I want to live a simple life full of joy.

So before you ask, no I’m not going back to teaching. .

I leave you with a question, how are you choosing yourself and bringing joy to your life?